Goin' way back. I've decided that I'm a terrible story teller. I can never remember those funny little moments in life, not just to laugh at while in the midst of dropping the kids off at the pool, but to share with others. Also, life is ridiculous, but sometimes I don't see the absurdity in the situation unless I reflect on it. But how would I remember it otherwise? I tend to abstract events big and small, removing the character and detail that makes these events meaningful.
So back in summer of 2007, my friend Theo and I somehow landed a gig in Bretagne, northern France. His grandfather had some part in a traveling science museum (called l'Abret) of sorts that thought it would be useful to have some American interns to spice up their life. Having just finished our first year of college, we were stoked, as it would surely be an awesome time living in France for a month while working on.... wait what were we supposed to do again? We had no idea. I'm not sure they knew what they had in mind for us either.
Prior to starting the internship, my parents and I decided to hang out in France and then Syria for a couple weeks. That will perhaps be the subject of another tale. But the point is, before going to France for this internship, I went to Syria. One thing you're sure to take away from Syria with is stomach problems, and this trip was no exception.
So I land in France, with nothing but my luggage (which had no wheels, and if you've seen Up in the Air you know that's a biiig mistake), diarrhea, and a raging fever. Theo and I were supposed to meet in Charles de Gaulle airport and take the metro to rest at his step-grandmother's place for the night before we moved to Bretagne. Unfortunately for us, her place was not close to the metro.
Let me tell you, not having wheels on my luggage was a big mistake. If you can imagine walking through Paris, trying to decipher street signs at midnight, changing directions and getting lost, please stop. I wouldn't want you to feel the same way. Point is, it sucked.
So we finally got to the grandmother's place at one in the morning (you can imagine her reaction...we felt pretty bad about coming that late), only to find that our parents were worried sick, because apparently we had been out of contact for 3 hours after landing. We pass out for the night, exhausted from traveling both the streets of Paris and the skies of Eurasia.
The next morning we left for Bretagne. I actually really enjoyed going on the TGV; I like public transportation in general. I feel like it forces you to remain in contact with people you otherwise would have no interaction with. After a while you stop talking and just look at the countryside pass by. It's sad that I feel this is the most effective way to communicate the imagery but it was a bit like riding on the Hogwarts Express. Particularly northern France, which even in the summer is sort of foggy, but lush, green, and expansive. Completely different from Paris, in other words.
Bretagne is not just northern France, but the on the coast. A quilt of sandy, tidal (yes, I forgot tides even existed!! hadn't seen that shit except in like bill nye) beaches, and lush green forest and farmland. In addition to the landscape, Bretagne is known for its crepes. I'm not sure if it's just here, or throughout France, but they have more than just dessert crepes. There are these like.. meal crepes, with ham, eggs, and cheese. When we landed in Bretagne we were picked up by Theo's grandparents, who immediately took us to get these crepes. It was fun talking to his grandparents, who were extremely kind, not to mention forgiving of my mediocre French. Still, we were able to hold conversations, with Theo being my babelfish when I didn't know a word or phrase.
On our first day at the job, we finally found out what exactly they wanted us to do: make flash animations to explain electromagnetic phenomena (stuff like waves, electric field, light, faraday's law) to the French public. The end goal was to give patrons an appreciation for the wireless technology available today. We weren't given much direction outside of this end goal and a few experiments, so it was up to us to flesh out the concept and how we wanted to present it. This was my favorite day of this internship, because we spent the rest of our first day figuring out how we wanted to communicate these ideas. I think this was one of the first times I realized how cool lesson planning is, and how interesting it is trying to think of the optimal way to express ideas to other people.
The next two weeks were extremely busy, as we had one month to first learn Flash (which we didn't have, nor did l'Abret provide for, which meant we pirated it, wooo!) and then make something presentable, so we needed to haul ass. Theo and I had very different learning styles, and it was cool seeing our strengths and weaknesses come into play. I was very focused on "learning the basics" of the language, so that when we needed to do something I would have some basis to work with, whereas Theo was more of the "learn as you go" style. He was the pioneer, finding the gold faster than anyone else could. I was making the supports. (Uh, trying to use more metaphors...uh-huh).
Okay this could go on longer but I will continue it in another post...
Monday, November 22, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Personal development
Arrrgghh sometimes I feel like such a child, you know? It's funny how looking back at our actions, they are so frequently a reflection of our insecurities. I want to get past that so badly, need to get past it to develop as a person. Over the years I've definitely become more aware of my insecurities, most of which involve how I interact with other people/the way I express myself/how I am perceived (which I guess is most of what anyone could be insecure about anyway...), which is a big step forward. But it's frustrating because sometimes I think I've done away with those needless fears, and gained inner peace with who I am, only to run into a new situation which brings all these issues back to the foreground.
For example, I used to leave almost every social interaction feeling horrible because I would think "shit... I should've said this, should've done that, why did I say something so stupid?" I think part of the problem is when I'm around other people my ability to think is greatly reduced... and the more I respect the people I'm around, the worse it gets. Like I have to prove myself or something. See? How insecure.
Actually the problem is very similar to the problem I had as a jazz improviser. In a jazz solo, you are not only tapping into the music you hear in your head, but you are also feeding off of the cues that other people give you. Whenever I would be called for a solo, I would suddenly not hear anything in my head. If you know me pretty well, you know I do crazy shit like drum on my steering wheel, drum on my chest, drum on pretty much any surface that has a decent sound. I always have music in my head. Except when called upon to improvise.
The symbolic thing is, even though I didn't hear anything I would still play notes. I had nothing to say but I made damn sure people knew that I wanted to say something. But whatever I played, that wasn't me. After every solo, I would walk away, with the music I wanted to play so badly ringing in my ears. O why would you forsake me, music, in my time of need?
I took one jazz lesson from the band director, 2 years ago. I'm still learning and trying to apply that lesson to my playing and to my life. He basically told me that I needed to slow down. If I don't hear anything, be patient. Don't play anything until you hear it. I've improved, but it's still a challenge. The moment to express yourself is so short that the pressure to say everything I want to say overwhelms me.
A very similar thing happens for me when I have normal conversations with people...I have all these things I want to say to people, but when it comes time to say them my head is emptied by my overwhelming desire to express the totality of my emotion in one encounter.
Nowadays all I can do is just laugh at myself, which I guess is healthier because now at least I leave most interactions happy instead of upset.
I can see the person I want to be, but sometimes it's just so hard to be that person. A delicate balancing act between staying true to yourself and challenging yourself. You know, you have to be comfortable with who you are, but not so comfortable as to stop changing. I guess take comfort in who you are, but also in who you will become.
For example, I used to leave almost every social interaction feeling horrible because I would think "shit... I should've said this, should've done that, why did I say something so stupid?" I think part of the problem is when I'm around other people my ability to think is greatly reduced... and the more I respect the people I'm around, the worse it gets. Like I have to prove myself or something. See? How insecure.
Actually the problem is very similar to the problem I had as a jazz improviser. In a jazz solo, you are not only tapping into the music you hear in your head, but you are also feeding off of the cues that other people give you. Whenever I would be called for a solo, I would suddenly not hear anything in my head. If you know me pretty well, you know I do crazy shit like drum on my steering wheel, drum on my chest, drum on pretty much any surface that has a decent sound. I always have music in my head. Except when called upon to improvise.
The symbolic thing is, even though I didn't hear anything I would still play notes. I had nothing to say but I made damn sure people knew that I wanted to say something. But whatever I played, that wasn't me. After every solo, I would walk away, with the music I wanted to play so badly ringing in my ears. O why would you forsake me, music, in my time of need?
I took one jazz lesson from the band director, 2 years ago. I'm still learning and trying to apply that lesson to my playing and to my life. He basically told me that I needed to slow down. If I don't hear anything, be patient. Don't play anything until you hear it. I've improved, but it's still a challenge. The moment to express yourself is so short that the pressure to say everything I want to say overwhelms me.
A very similar thing happens for me when I have normal conversations with people...I have all these things I want to say to people, but when it comes time to say them my head is emptied by my overwhelming desire to express the totality of my emotion in one encounter.
Nowadays all I can do is just laugh at myself, which I guess is healthier because now at least I leave most interactions happy instead of upset.
I can see the person I want to be, but sometimes it's just so hard to be that person. A delicate balancing act between staying true to yourself and challenging yourself. You know, you have to be comfortable with who you are, but not so comfortable as to stop changing. I guess take comfort in who you are, but also in who you will become.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Derivation and Proof
This post has two parts:
I: Derivation and Math, and II: Derivation and life...
I:
I don't know why but I (sometimes) really enjoy doing proofs and derivations. Throughout my college career I've always focused more on why something is true than on how to use it, which I guess explains why I became a math major. I feel like the concept of derivation is a philosophically satisfying one because of the following things:
1) By deriving something, you are empowered with the knowledge that has been derived because now you know why it is true, and under what conditions. This gives you a deeper understanding than you would have if you were just given the result on a silver platter. Through the process of proof/derivation, you are one of the owners of that knowledge.
2) Independent thinking. You can't create "new" knowledge (which is essentially what you're trying to do, even if it has been done before) without thinking for yourself. So to me, proofs give you faith in your reasoning abilities.
If you've ever wondered why genius physicists and mathematicians are crazy and sort of outside the scope of social norms, it's because on a daily basis they must challenge the assumptions that they and others hold about the world around them, and must use their independent, logical, critical thinking to re-evaluate how the world functions.
That's the great thing about math and (to some extent) computer science. There's no room for misinformation. If you don't think something is true, you need to go no further than your imagination to show that it is not.
3) For me personally, I can't remember something unless I know why it is true.
This is why I feel math education is sooo important, unlike some other people. It teaches people (ideally) what it takes to prove something, and gives them confidence in the validity of their independent thinking. Sure, I wouldn't say everyone needs to know calculus, but I would say everyone needs to understand how to prove something, and why the math they do know is true.
II:
I've had this idea for a while, hopefully I can do it justice here:
Let me give an example before I describe the general idea. Some people raise their children by creating a system of approval whereby the children gain the approval of the parent by acting in a desired way, for example, by being courteous. When they are not courteous, they are punished. In some cases I've seen people react by only behaving in those ways when their parent is present and able to judge their activities. I'm being really sloppy in my description here... This is "arriving" at the desired behavior without allowing the kid to "derive" it for themselves. There is a reason for courtesy, for doing chores, etc etc. If you don't let them understand that, and instead force them to act a certain way, you're not creating genuine empathy and responsibility etc.
I think developing morals and values, emotions, and many other things, can be looked at in this way... a conflict between spoon-feeding the arrived result (the end) and the derivation (the means that will eventually reach that end). I guess, in short, it's about letting people figure out why something is done a certain way, rather than just telling them how it's done.
In pedagogy this would be the banking system of education vs the problem posing method?
More examples, because this idea sounded way cooler in my head than on paper and I'm running out of stuff to say but still feel like there's more to my idea.
You can't be told what you want to do with your life, you have to derive it for yourself.
Laws are only meaningful if people follow them of their own will... so people have to derive the intent of the law and act accordingly. I feel like too often the spirit of the law is lost in meaningless verbiage, which, while intended to make the law fool-proof, does exactly the opposite.
Emotions- sometimes I feel like people feel a certain way because they know they're supposed to, not because they genuinely feel that way. The way I word this makes it sound like this is a rare event, when really everyone is guilty of this from time to time. But I think about this a lot in terms of derivation... am I just feeling something because I know I should? Or did I really reach this emotional conclusion on my own? In an earlier post, I was basically questioning myself in this way.
I pride myself on being constantly self-critical. Perceiving reality as it truly is, and me as I truly am, is important to my development, as it is for everyone. Inevitably, there will be blind spots in my self-evaluation, but reevaluating things I held as assumptions and re-deriving them is sometimes painful but healthy, right?
Edit: Even more that I meant to write about!
Deriving success in school... I feel like focusing on getting good grades or passing tests is the wrong way to go. Instead, focusing on what interests you, and trying to answer philosophical questions that come up as you digest the material, and generally just trying to actually learn the material instead of act like you've learned it, works better and is more enjoyable... at least I think so. Same thing for like building resumes, getting into college/grad school etc etc... doing it just for the paper is never going to get you as far as doing it for you. And in doing so, you'll get a better result anyway. Deriving "success" in life... I guess...
This, by the way, is why standardized testing will never be a successful way of measuring student progress. It implies, for one thing, that the value of what a student has learned depends on the opinion of someone else, when it really should be the student judging for themselves whether they have learned the material or not. Now obviously, there's an implied contradiction because what about grades and the evaluation teachers do of students? I would say that a teacher's role is more to provide a context in which the student can judge whether they have learned the material... if that makes any sense. Like you do need some feedback to be able to progress and challenge yourself, but standardized tests don't really give you that feedback, they just give you the number. So that tells you that the only importance that knowledge had was that number. That wasn't the intent but that's how it might be interpreted, and has been interpreted when you teach to the test and all that...so deriving metrics for learning, or something?
I: Derivation and Math, and II: Derivation and life...
I:
I don't know why but I (sometimes) really enjoy doing proofs and derivations. Throughout my college career I've always focused more on why something is true than on how to use it, which I guess explains why I became a math major. I feel like the concept of derivation is a philosophically satisfying one because of the following things:
1) By deriving something, you are empowered with the knowledge that has been derived because now you know why it is true, and under what conditions. This gives you a deeper understanding than you would have if you were just given the result on a silver platter. Through the process of proof/derivation, you are one of the owners of that knowledge.
2) Independent thinking. You can't create "new" knowledge (which is essentially what you're trying to do, even if it has been done before) without thinking for yourself. So to me, proofs give you faith in your reasoning abilities.
If you've ever wondered why genius physicists and mathematicians are crazy and sort of outside the scope of social norms, it's because on a daily basis they must challenge the assumptions that they and others hold about the world around them, and must use their independent, logical, critical thinking to re-evaluate how the world functions.
That's the great thing about math and (to some extent) computer science. There's no room for misinformation. If you don't think something is true, you need to go no further than your imagination to show that it is not.
3) For me personally, I can't remember something unless I know why it is true.
This is why I feel math education is sooo important, unlike some other people. It teaches people (ideally) what it takes to prove something, and gives them confidence in the validity of their independent thinking. Sure, I wouldn't say everyone needs to know calculus, but I would say everyone needs to understand how to prove something, and why the math they do know is true.
II:
I've had this idea for a while, hopefully I can do it justice here:
Let me give an example before I describe the general idea. Some people raise their children by creating a system of approval whereby the children gain the approval of the parent by acting in a desired way, for example, by being courteous. When they are not courteous, they are punished. In some cases I've seen people react by only behaving in those ways when their parent is present and able to judge their activities. I'm being really sloppy in my description here... This is "arriving" at the desired behavior without allowing the kid to "derive" it for themselves. There is a reason for courtesy, for doing chores, etc etc. If you don't let them understand that, and instead force them to act a certain way, you're not creating genuine empathy and responsibility etc.
I think developing morals and values, emotions, and many other things, can be looked at in this way... a conflict between spoon-feeding the arrived result (the end) and the derivation (the means that will eventually reach that end). I guess, in short, it's about letting people figure out why something is done a certain way, rather than just telling them how it's done.
In pedagogy this would be the banking system of education vs the problem posing method?
More examples, because this idea sounded way cooler in my head than on paper and I'm running out of stuff to say but still feel like there's more to my idea.
You can't be told what you want to do with your life, you have to derive it for yourself.
Laws are only meaningful if people follow them of their own will... so people have to derive the intent of the law and act accordingly. I feel like too often the spirit of the law is lost in meaningless verbiage, which, while intended to make the law fool-proof, does exactly the opposite.
Emotions- sometimes I feel like people feel a certain way because they know they're supposed to, not because they genuinely feel that way. The way I word this makes it sound like this is a rare event, when really everyone is guilty of this from time to time. But I think about this a lot in terms of derivation... am I just feeling something because I know I should? Or did I really reach this emotional conclusion on my own? In an earlier post, I was basically questioning myself in this way.
I pride myself on being constantly self-critical. Perceiving reality as it truly is, and me as I truly am, is important to my development, as it is for everyone. Inevitably, there will be blind spots in my self-evaluation, but reevaluating things I held as assumptions and re-deriving them is sometimes painful but healthy, right?
Edit: Even more that I meant to write about!
Deriving success in school... I feel like focusing on getting good grades or passing tests is the wrong way to go. Instead, focusing on what interests you, and trying to answer philosophical questions that come up as you digest the material, and generally just trying to actually learn the material instead of act like you've learned it, works better and is more enjoyable... at least I think so. Same thing for like building resumes, getting into college/grad school etc etc... doing it just for the paper is never going to get you as far as doing it for you. And in doing so, you'll get a better result anyway. Deriving "success" in life... I guess...
This, by the way, is why standardized testing will never be a successful way of measuring student progress. It implies, for one thing, that the value of what a student has learned depends on the opinion of someone else, when it really should be the student judging for themselves whether they have learned the material or not. Now obviously, there's an implied contradiction because what about grades and the evaluation teachers do of students? I would say that a teacher's role is more to provide a context in which the student can judge whether they have learned the material... if that makes any sense. Like you do need some feedback to be able to progress and challenge yourself, but standardized tests don't really give you that feedback, they just give you the number. So that tells you that the only importance that knowledge had was that number. That wasn't the intent but that's how it might be interpreted, and has been interpreted when you teach to the test and all that...so deriving metrics for learning, or something?
Monday, November 1, 2010
good shows
So I decided that maybe I shouldn't be all serious on this blog all the time... too much deep shit goin on. So, random thoughts:
I have to say, there are some great shows on right now. Modern Family? 30 Rock? Of course, Daily Show and Colbert Report. South Park.
And perhaps my most cherished, because no one's heard of it except fellow nerds, The Venture Bros. Seriously guys and gals, check this shit out. It's weird but hot DAMN are they creative! Top notch writing, crazy plots, AMAZING character development, episodes drifting from absurdly hilarious to deeply profound... this show is special. This new season is awesome. I would suggest having the patience to watch the first few episodes of the first season. It starts off rocky but gets good. I haaave the dvds, borrow them!!!! While not necessary, watching the show in order will help you get the most out of later episodes...
...what has this blog become...
I have to say, there are some great shows on right now. Modern Family? 30 Rock? Of course, Daily Show and Colbert Report. South Park.
And perhaps my most cherished, because no one's heard of it except fellow nerds, The Venture Bros. Seriously guys and gals, check this shit out. It's weird but hot DAMN are they creative! Top notch writing, crazy plots, AMAZING character development, episodes drifting from absurdly hilarious to deeply profound... this show is special. This new season is awesome. I would suggest having the patience to watch the first few episodes of the first season. It starts off rocky but gets good. I haaave the dvds, borrow them!!!! While not necessary, watching the show in order will help you get the most out of later episodes...
...what has this blog become...
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